As I am sure, you will remember Red Monster and I visited Green Monster, with the idea of cheering the timid monster up, which seemed to be working until Blue Monster arrived and tried to apologise for scaring Green in the first place. At this point there was a marked decrease in Green’s happiness field – people who follow the chaos theory will understand the term field here.

Quite how Blue managed to cause so much confussion with trying to be pleasant is something of a mystery to me.

My turn to apologise for going off at a tangent; please feast your eyes upon a story about badgers. I hope you enjoy it, you fortunate indigenous bipeds.

Try picking an endangered animal and writing about that for ten minutes.


I was having a quiet conversation with my daughter one day upon the subject of badgers.

It was probably my fault as I had seen a badger pounding across the road as I was driving home from work, a touch on the late side of midnight, and mentioned it.

We were merrily discussing these interesting black and white mammals when I mentioned that I had never seen one up close.

‘Oh they’re really cute and friendly’, she said.

‘Really?’ I asked with a hint of disbelief. I was thinking of the chap on television who some years ago explained why antique badger tongs had once been essential for the preservation of ones’ hands. It seems that the animal in question has a very loose skin and if you were silly enough to sieze one by the scruff of its neck, with the intention of picking it up, it can twist its head round and make a serious attempt at biting your hand off at the wrist.

My daughter gave me an odd look. ‘Yes’ she answered ‘me and David used to feed them peanut butter sandwitches at the bottom of the garden.’

For a moment or two I was speechless. I didn’t even know that we had badgers living anywhere near our home. ‘Er, do you know how dangerous they can be?’ I asked

‘They were always freindly to us’ she replied with a mischevious grin. ‘They just eat the sandwitches, pushed each other round a bit and trotted off happily.’

Still at a lose for anything sensible to say, I made do with the first thing that came to mind. ‘I wondered why you and your brother used to eat all those peanut butter sandwiches when you were children.’

She giggled, ‘It was their favourite’

I decided it was time for the usual parental happiness damping comment, ‘I guess you were lucky not to catch T.B.’ I said in a serious manner.

She beamed at me, ‘We were inoculated, weren’t we?’

I dont know about you, but I just hate it when my children make me feel as stupid as I really am. The trouble is, the older I get, the more they seem to be able to do it.

It’s a real bummer, isn’t it?

Posted: Wednesday, April 15th, 2009 @ 7:42 pm
Categories: Uncategorized.
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2 Responses to “Badgers”

  1. Green Monster » Blog Archive » The Iron Giant - A film Review Says:

    […] so I am thinking I might become a hermit anyway. After Blue scared me I hid away and Red and Yellow came round and I fed them lots of yummy food I’d spent all afternoon preparing; but then Blue […]

  2. Blue Monster » Blog Archive » The Blue and Silver Box Says:

    […] am Blue and Bluer than Blue, Green had a party and invited Yellow and Red but not me. He apparently doesn’t like me. Red says this is because I’ve scared […]

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